After almost 14 years of marriage, with 5 pregnancies, 3 beautiful children running around our feet, and the odd trial (or more) that has affected the maturity and character of our marriage, we are still committed to both work at growing and investing into our relationship for the better.
In the midst of all that fills our lives at present, particularly with young children, I think sometimes we get too casual with growing closer and being intentional about feeding our love for one another. Some days my husband and I can put our heads on the pillow without having really connected—besides talking kids, money, house, and work. We’ve gotten no deeper than asking how each others days were.
We already have ‘Heart-to-Heart’ nights with the children once a week. And now we hope to add times of heart connection with each other where we can share freely, and grow in trust and love for one another. I’m so hungry to do this!
Make sure you set the time aside exclusively just for the two of you and with as much quiet and freedom from distraction as possible. Come together with a willingness to listen and hear, be humble of heart, be courageous to trust one another, remember not to correct or react to answers that are more difficult to hear, and allow yourself to become vulnerable enough to bare your heart to your spouse.
Here I’d like to share with you some starters for a heart-to-heart time with your spouse. Some of these questions are light, but others are a little more thoughtful. Hopefully these will provide a starting point for opportunities to laugh, cry, pray, and most of all, connect and grow closer.
1. What are some books you’ve really enjoyed?
2. What books would you like to read sometime?
3. What are your favourite foods?
4. What did you want to be when you grew up?
5. What is some of your favorite memories from your childhood?
6. What are some of the more difficult memories from your childhood?
7. What are you favorite hobbies?
8. What did your parents teach you that you appreciate now?
9. What did your parents say or do that you found difficult?
10. Who is someone that inspires you?
11. What do you like us doing together?
12. What would you like to do together in future, just the two of us?
13. What would you like to do together in future, all of us with the kids too?
14. What is your favorite passage of Scripture?
15. What is your favorite memory verse?
16. What are your greatest strengths?
17. What are your greatest weaknesses?
18. What overwhelms you?
19. What is concerning you?
20. What are you fearful of?
21. Are you content at present?
22. What makes you happy?
23. How can I add to your happiness?
24. What do you find attractive about me?
25. When did you know you wanted to marry me?
26. What are some of your favorite memories of us?
27. How do you like me saying ‘I love you’ the most—words, gifts, or touch?
28. How can I demonstrate my love for you in different ways?
29. What do I do that irritates or frustrates you?
30. How can I help you be a better husband/wife?
31. How can I help you be a better father/mother?
32. How can I better meet your physical needs and desires?
33. How can I better meet your emotional needs and desires?
34. What can I do to encourage and support you better?
35. Where do you see us in 5 years time? In 10 years time?
36. Is there anything in your heart that you need to forgive me for?
37. In what ways do you think we love differently?
38. In what ways do you think we parent differently?
39. Describe to me your relationship with God at present.
40. Tell me about a memorable time you connected with God.
41. What do you love about each of our children?
42. What hopes and dreams do you have for each of our children?
43. What are you most thankful for?
44. How have you changed since we married?
45. What do you like about our marriage?
46. What would you like to change about our marriage?
47. What spiritual gifts to you see in me?
48. Is there anything you regret?
49. Tell me something about yourself that I may not know.
50. What are some of your greatest hopes?
Victoria Boyd is a wife, mother, and follower of Jesus. She is passionate about all sorts of things such as worship, the written word, intercession, justice issues, family history, raising children and indigenous peoples. Find her writing on homeschooling, faith, homemaking, parenting, and natural living at www.homemakingwithheart.com.