“Did God make them gay?”
What a whopper of a question. I groaned a little bit inside as my inquisitive 13-year-old asked me this.
He was peering over my shoulder at the computer screen. I was looking at pictures on Facebook of recent wedding pictures—two women holding hands in brides dresses.
“That’s an interesting question,” I replied. “What do you think?”
This prompted a discussion—as you can imagine, a little more than I had bargained for—about same-sex attraction. Here are my thoughts on handling the question “Did God make them gay?”
So, are they born gay? Did God make them gay?
Our children are going ask themselves questions about sexual orientation.
And if you’re lucky, they’ll want to talk to you about these questions. Yes, this is a good thing. It means you’ve fostered a good relationship with your kids, and they want to discuss complex topics with you.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock on another planet, you know in recent years same-sex attraction has been a topic brought to the forefront in both media and politics. (Of course, in reality, same-sex attraction has been around for millennia—it’s nothing new.)
And the “Why” question is a pretty natural question to ask: Why does someone experience same-sex attraction when the most of the world doesn’t?
There’s been a lot of ink spilled over this question—many nature-vs-nurture debates:
- Are people gay because it was merely their choice to be so?
- Does someone become gay or lesbian because of some kind of trauma?
- Is it because of upbringing?
- Do genetics or brain development have to do with it—are people born gay? Did God make them gay?
People often turn to science to answer these questions, and, of course, there’s nothing wrong with good scientific research.*
But Christian parents don’t need to get bogged down trying to unravel the mysterious origins of same-sex attraction for their kids.
Why? Because there are better questions we can teach our kids to ask…
Better Question #1: Does science teach us what’s right and wrong?
This is the question behind the question. It’s a question about ethics.
When our kids wonder if a person is “born that way,” often they’re asking because they assume, “If someone is born gay, it means there’s nothing wrong with it.”
But here’s the critical truth we need our kids to grasp:
Science can only reveal what is; it can’t tell us what should be.
Of course, we can use scientific data to help us make moral decisions. But its never the data alone that determines right or wrong.
- Science can tell us how to repair a damaged heart, but it doesn’t tell us whether we ought to operate.
- Science can tell us that a fetus is human life, genetically speaking, but it can’t tell us a fetus should have a right to life.
- Science can tell us how alcohol damages a liver, but it can’t tell us we ought to stop drinking.
But we live in a world where culture pushes a twisted narrative: if you’re “born” with an attraction to your own sex, it must be right. This is ridiculous. If my genetics predispose me to alcoholism, is it right to become a drunk? We don’t apply this logic to anything else.
Better Question #2: Aren’t we all “born this way”?
If there’s some kind of genetic or hormonal component to same-sex attraction, it shouldn’t surprise Christians at all.
For centuries, Christians have taught the doctrine of “original sin.” Because of our first parent’s (Adam and Eve) sin, we have all corrupt hearts—impacting the way we think, what we desire, and even corrupting our physical bodies (Matt. 15:19; Rom. 5:12,19; 7:21-23; 8:7-8; Eph. 2:1-3).
Ed Shaw, Associate Pastor of Emmanuel City Centre in Bristol, England, has experienced same-sex attraction for most of his life. He explains what original sin is and how it impacts his understanding of his own homosexual desires:
The Bible clearly teaches that all human beings sin naturally. But the Bible also clearly shows that all human beings have a propensity to sin differently. Moses had an anger problem. For David his weakness was sex. For Peter it was pride. For Ed Shaw it is (amongst other things), same-sex sexual immorality.
To quote Lady Gaga, we are all “born this way.”
So, your kids as you, “Did God make them gay?” And as Christian parents we need to explain to our kids how the Fall brought brokenness into our bodies, minds, and souls—and that shows up differently for different people.
There are some temptations that appear to be nearly universal in scope: all of us are tempted to selfishness and pride. There are other temptations that only seem to afflict specific people.
And yes, there are all kinds of sinful dispositions that may have some kind of hereditary or genetic component. But, even if same-sex attraction is somehow undergirded by genetics, Shaw comments, “At the same time, God holds me responsible for how I respond to it and whether I act upon it”—just as he does for every person with sinful desires.
* As far as the science is concerned, the American Psychological Association sums up the research fairly well: “There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian orientation.”
More Resources for Parents about Sex Education:
- Preparing Christian Kids for the LGBT World
- Transgenderism: 5 Things Your Kids Need to Hear You Say
- Modern SexEd Gone Crazy, and How Christian Parents Should Respond
- Christians: Stop Protecting Your Kids From Sex
Preparing Christian Kids for an LGBT World
All of this really only scratches the surface of when and with what demeanor we talk to our kids about LGBT issues. For more information, access our online training series, Preparing Christian Kids for an LGBT World: Modeling Love, Honoring Truth, Tackling Tough Questions.
I so want to take this class, but it’s simply not in our budget this month. Can I pay to access the course another time like next month?
The recording will be available to our Pathfinder Parenting community, so when we open registration for that, you should be able to go back an access it (along with all the other recourses), if you become a member. If course, you can cancel your membership at any time. We’ll keep you posted when enrollment starts.
This is very well said. I love your example of applying logic when discussing genetic disposition to alcoholism! Many people assume they are applying logic correctly but fail to see the fallacy in their thinking.
WOW! Loved Shaw’s comment that it is about what we do with those feelings….that is where we have to educate our young people.
Exactly. Ed has some great things to say about this subject.
This is an awesome article. Our kids are definitely thinking about these questions. We need good answers. This is a great answer!! Just like Jesus often answered a different question from the one that was asked, so Luke and Trisha get down to the real question.
Thanks, Ed. Glad you found the article encouraging.
Amen! Kids will ask. Be glad they ask you!
Thank you very much for the chapter~
One wonders how the authors of this piece would react if one of their kids were gay. That’s an interesting perspective that’s not addressed here for some reason.
The authors of this piece might also want to consider replacing “gay” and “same-sex attraction” with “straight” and “opposite-sex attraction” and see how the piece sounds.
As the author of this piece, I can say the primary reason we didn’t address how we would react if one of our own children were gay is this simply isn’t in the scope of the article. The focus was on when a child asks about someone else who is same-sex attracted.
But speaking more to the heart of your question, you are correct that it is an interesting perspective, though I’m not sure how it might modify my point of view. I would certainly address this issue from a different starting place.
I’m not really sure how replacing “gay” with “straight” is helpful here. “Are they born straight?” is not a common question I hear from our readers; I’ve never personally heard of anyone being bogged down trying to unravel the mysteries of opposite-sex attraction. Maybe I’m missing the point of this mental exercise.
Great guidance reframing the question in terms of what’s right and wrong. However, a major issue I see is it seems Christians more and more are losing the conviction that homosexuality and transgender behavior is sin and therefore wrong. During this “Pride” month, I’ve been astonished to see so many fellow Christians “come out” in support of LGTB+ expression, in the name of love and compassion. Some are even taking their children to LGTB+ Pride parades and one even said that Jesus would attend them in support. While I believe Jesus would reach out to those in the LGTB+ community and in love and compassion offer them forgiveness, just as He offers to all who are in sin, I believe He would also tell them, “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11). Just this past week I’ve found myself several times the only one out of many not endorsing LGTB+ expression and defending the Biblical position that homosexuality is sin—with fellow Christians!
It seems so many people today are losing the understanding and conviction that homosexuality (not to mention other sinful behaviors like adultery) is indeed wrong and ought not be celebrated and practiced, but instead fled from (1 Cor. 6:8) and repented of so we can be sanctified in Christ, live free from the bondage of sin, and inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-11). How can we teach children and fellow Christians that while it’s true God does love everyone, this does not mean He endorses certain behaviors and wants us to practice or support them? That there is indeed right and wrong according to our Creator (and it’s ok—actually imperative—to believe this)? The distinction is getting quite blurred these days.
Yes. This is a major topic we cover in our short course, Preparing Christian Kids for an LGBT World.