As a mom of four boys (and no girls) I laugh thinking about testosterone dominance in the house. When I am around my four nieces, I think, “So this is what calmness feels like.”
I know my little boys will some day be men. My oldest is nine years old. I know puberty is on the way, and with that, my oldest will start experiencing all the chaos and confusion of raging hormones, crushes, and sexual temptations. I want him to be well prepared.
My husband has thankfully taken the lead on some of the official “sex talks” with our oldest. I love knowing that as he enters adolescence, he will have echoes of his dad’s strong voice in his mind.
But what is my role in his sexual formation? As women (and as their mothers) what part do we play in a young boy’s sex education?
The Scriptures teach us that the way a young man escapes sexual temptation is not just by listening to his father’s words, but by clinging to his mother’s teaching as well (Proverbs 6:20-24).
1. Fight the urge to equate “innocence” with “zero sexual interest”
As mothers, it is good to hope and pray that our children will not be influenced by the sexual values of the world. But it is also important to remember that our sons are sexual beings. Though the desire is latent in them at a young age, they were created by God to eventually develop a desire for intimacy and sex. This fact does not make them “dirty”; it makes them human. Knowing sexual attraction is right around the corner does not mean a loss of “innocence.” It is signal they are becoming the men they were created to be.
2. Be on the same page with your husband
Know exactly what your husband is teaching your sons and when. This will help you to echo the same thoughts when opportunities arise. Talk to your husband and suggest topics that should be discussed with your sons.
3. Be the kind of woman you want your son to marry
Model for your sons the virtues that you hope to have in daughters-in-law some day. Think of the kind of vices or traits you hope you never see in your sons’ future girlfriends. Examine your own heart and see if you manifest any of these things.
4. Teach your sons about feminine beauty that lasts
Most of us know about the “Proverbs 31 woman,” but we often forget that the male author of this passage learned this ideal from his own mother (Proverbs 31:1). When King Lemuel was seeking a bride, it was his mother’s voice that guided him to someone who could be trusted (v.11), someone intelligent and diligent (v.13-19), someone generous (v.20) and wise (v.26). We should teach our sons that a woman who fears the Lord has an inner beauty that is far more valuable than anything they will find on the cover of Cosmo.
5. Practice some PDA in the home
Demonstrate how much you love your husband by how you talk about him, how you talk to him, and how you touch him. One of the reasons why our sons so often run to pornography or easy sex is because they have never seen a godly alternative. Show affection to your husband so your kids will learn to long for real love, not lust. Your sons should see their dad rejoicing with you, the wife of his youth (Proverbs 5:18).
6. Become a media guardian
Sexual messages are embedded into a lot of media today: from television to movies, from video games to YouTube. Be aware that subtle sexual messages can be found in nearly anything. Monitor what your sons do online, even as they get older. If you catch your sons leering at busty beauty in an online ad or on a magazine cover, use it as an opportunity to teach them about worldly sexual values vs. God’s values.
7. Get over your sexual embarrassment
Often, the biggest hurdle to giving our sons good sex education is our own embarrassment. Become well-versed in what the Bible has to say about sex, sexual pleasure, and marriage, and plan times to talk with your son about how you, as a woman, understand and appreciate what God has taught us. Hearing this from both their father and mother will give our sons a strength of character that will equip them to steward their sexuality well.
Sex Education Training
If you want more training on how to give your sons Bible-based sex education, my husband and I have released a brand new e-course called Having the Talk: Biblical Sex Ed Training for Parents. In this course we talk about…
- How to know when to begin talking to your kids about sex
- Talking to kids about the differences in male and female anatomy
- How to communicate the function and purpose of sex with your kids
- How babies develop in the womb
- The importance of sex within a marital relationship
- How to talk to your kids about adultery and sexual sin
- How to talk to kids about sexual abuse
- Many frequently asked questions both kids and parents have