Can a mom educate her sons about sex?
As a mom of five boys (and no girls), my husband and I like to joke about all testosterone dominance in the house. When I am around my four nieces, I think, “So this is what calmness feels like.”
I know my little boys will some day be men. My oldest is now 9 years old. I know puberty is on the way, and with that, my oldest will start experiencing all the chaos and confusion of raging hormones, crushes, and sexual temptations.
I want him to be well prepared.
My husband has thankfully taken the lead on some of the official “sex talks” with our oldest. I love knowing that as he enters adolescence, he will have echoes of his dad’s strong voice in his mind.
But what is my role in my son’s sexual formation? As women (and as their mothers) what part do we play in a young boy’s sex education?
The Scriptures teach us that the way a young man escapes sexual temptation is not just by listening to his father’s words, but by clinging to his mother’s teaching as well (Proverbs 6:20-24).
Let’s talk about moms and sex ed—here are my 7 tips for teaching young boys:
1. Fight the urge to equate “innocence” with “zero sexual interest”
As mothers, it is good to hope and pray that our children will not be influenced by the sexual values of the world. But it is also important to remember that our sons are sexual beings—that is, as young boys, they already have a natural interest in things pertaining to gender (differences between boys and girls) and family relationships.
Though the desire is latent in them at a young age, they were created by God to eventually develop a desire for intimacy and sex. This fact does not make them “dirty”; it makes them human.
Knowing sexual attraction is right around the corner does not mean a loss of “innocence.” It is signal they are becoming the men they were created to be.
2. Be on the same page with your husband
Know exactly what your husband is teaching your sons and when. This will help you to echo the same thoughts when opportunities arise for teaching your young sons about sex ed. Talk to your husband and suggest topics that should be discussed with your sons.
3. Be the kind of woman you want your son to marry
Model for your sons the virtues that you hope to have in daughters-in-law some day. Think of the kind of vices or traits you hope you never see in your sons’ future girlfriends. Examine your own heart and see if you manifest any of these things.
4. Teach your sons about feminine beauty that lasts
Most of us know about the “Proverbs 31 woman,” but we often forget that the male author of this passage learned this ideal from his own mother (Proverbs 31:1).
When King Lemuel was seeking a bride, it was his mother’s voice that guided him to someone who could be trusted (v.11), someone intelligent and diligent (v.13-19), someone generous (v.20) and wise (v.26). When it comes to moms and sex ed, we should teach our sons that a woman who fears the Lord has an inner beauty that is far more valuable than anything they will find on the cover of Cosmo.
5. Practice some PDA in the home
Demonstrate how much you love your husband by how you talk about him, how you talk to him, and how you touch him.
One of the reasons why our sons so often run to pornography or easy sex is because they have never seen a godly alternative. Show affection to your husband so your kids will learn to long for real love—not lust. Your sons should see their dad rejoicing with you—the wife of his youth (Proverbs 5:18).
6. Become a media guardian
Sexual messages are embedded into a lot of media today: from television to movies, from video games to YouTube. Be aware that subtle sexual messages can be found in nearly anything.
Monitor what your sons do online, even as they get older. If you catch your sons leering at busty beauty in an online ad or on a magazine cover, use it as an opportunity to teach them about worldly sexual values vs. God’s values.
7. Get over your sexual embarrassment
Often, the biggest hurdle to giving our sons good sex education is our own embarrassment.
Become well-versed in what the Bible has to say about sex, sexual pleasure, and marriage, and plan times to talk with your son about how you, as a woman, understand and appreciate what God has taught us.
Hearing this from both their father and mother will give our sons a strength of character that will equip them to steward their sexuality well.
A Book to Guide You
I’m grateful to be married to a man who desires to be proactive when it comes to sex education—and a man who sees me a partner in that endeavor.
His desire to teach our young boys is what prompted him to to write his book, The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality. If you want a simple, read-aloud book you can use with your young sons or daughters, this has served a lot of families very well. You’ll learn…
- How to know when to begin talking to your kids about sex
- Talking to kids about the differences in male and female anatomy
- How to communicate the function and purpose of sex with your kids
- How babies develop in the womb
- The importance of sex within a marital relationship
- How to talk to your kids about adultery and sexual sin
- How to talk to kids about sexual abuse
- Many frequently asked questions both kids and parents have
More Articles on Sex Ed and Our Children:
- Sex Ed Starts at Age 3
- Sex Ed and Young Kids (Ages 4-7): 5 Critical Reminders
- 3 Strategies for Biblical Sex Education at Home
- What We Wish Our Parents Would Have Taught Us About Sex as Teens
- “Mommy, How Are Babies Made?” (A No Freak-Out Strategy)
How does a single woman approach these things with her son? I have no adult male relatives, and my son’s father lives 7 miles away and has been here maybe twice for 5 minutes, in the last 5 years. I have older children that are not the examples I want my last child to follow.
I apologize for the delay in the response. I believe a single mom addresses these things openly and honestly with her son – much the same way a father would address these topics. It’s so important for you to establish a good open relationship where your son feels comfortable talking to you and asking questions early on. You don’t want him to feel embarrassed to talk to you as he gets older and go seeking information elsewhere. Do you have a church you’re involved with? Getting involved in a good church with male role models is something you may also consider. Not because these men would talk to your son about this particular topic, but because it would be good for your son to have positive male relationships in his life.
I love this! I’m not there yet with my sons, but I have had “the talk” with my daughter. We used this book to get started: http://bighairandbooks.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-talk.html
I’m pinning the Bible study for use later on! Thanks for sharing it!!
I’m trying to get the free study but it is showing $5.95 in my cart. Is there a coupon code I missed? Looks great! Thanks!
Dear Luke and Trisha,
I am a child of God, a wife, a mother of six sons and one daughter, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and a mental health therapist (LCSW). Thank you so very much for your hard and excellent work in creating “The Talk” series. I can’t wait for the release of the “Relationships” part of the trio! Excellently written and presented, the lesson books are so simple to use, literally a script that ANY parent can use, and beautifully aligned with Christian truths and ideals. Jesus Christ IS the Master Teacher, and the scriptures have the answers we need to all our worries and concerns. As I use these materials, I have felt the Spirit to Truth testify to my children, and confirm to me, the simple and sacred reality that SEX is Holy, God-ordained, and a blessing to the human family. Again, thank you for being instruments in the Lord’s hands as we ward off the Satanic lies and evil messages of the world and share this urgent and vital part of the gospel with our children. Sexuality is truly a foundational part of the Good News that will make all the difference to our children as they grow in Christ and fulfill their Heavenly Father’s plan for happiness. May He continue to bless you and your family for your efforts to do good in the world.
Thanks so much, Ofa! So glad these resources have encouraged you and your family!